27 6 / 2014

Ok.. te cuento!
En primera instancia me vas a odiar, y eso te lo dije, en segunda instancia, perdon por no tener los ovarios, nunca, para habertelo dicho en persona. Queria hablarte de esto hoy bien, ocupaba hablarlo pero no me di el momento ni la oportunidad de hacerlo.
Ya me habia convencido de que no seria necesario hablarlo.. pero me quedo claro hoy que es lo mas sano para mi.

Te quiero muchisimo, mucho! y me encanta la amistad que tenemos, la valoro bastante, en mi vida jamas eh tenido a una amiga como tu, soy muy feliz contigo siempre, hay mucha confianza y respeto y eso me gusta. Me odiaria si te llegara a perder por alguna razon, y es por eso que me caga decirte esto.

Me gustas, siempre me has gustado muchisimo, pero siempre eh puesto nuestra amistad en primer lugar en toda situacion, y no me arrepiento, te eh visto crecer, hacerte mas fuerte y sobrellevar muchas cosas, tuyas asi como en tu familia y el estar ahi para ti ah significado mucho para mi. Eh visto como personas han salido, entrado y salido de tu vida, no ah sido facil, pero vale la pena si de alguna manera puedo servirte de apoyo y estar en tu compañia. Mil vecez senti unas ganas horribles por besarte, tampoco ah sido facil. Lo que es facil para mi es tumbarme el rollo, lo hice 5 años con mi anorexia, lo hice 5 años contigo, pero llega un punto donde ya no puedes seguir enfermandote.. y eso es lo que estoy sintiendo ahorita.

Te vi el viernes y ese dia no podia dejar de pensar en ti de otra forma, que si lo habia pensado un millon de vecez antes, si!.. pero por alguna razon mi OCD se activo ahora y no lo podia ignorar. Ya me habias comenzado hablar de esta niña que veias, hasta de carolina, y estoy tan acostumbrada que no pense que me afectara, hasta que lo hizo, y me quize tumbar el rollo, no puede, despues me dio ansiedad.. y me puse a pensar las cosas, que si son patrones de comportamiento los que eh creado contigo.. para sobrevivir en una relacion que en mi cabeza no puedo tener contigo (por no perder la amistad, o pq siento qe no te daria el 100 de mi, por mi situacion en mi casa).

Respeto muchisimo tu relacion con esta chava que esta empezando y es bonito y me da gusto que estes feliz con alguien, pero no creo que pueda sentarme a verlo esta vez.. te digo todo esto por salud mental y emocional mia, mas que otra cosa, porque yo se que nisiquiera es el mejor momento.. quiero que estes bien y agusto con quien sea que decidas estar, mientras esa persona tambien te valore y trate como te mereces. Aprendi a quererte de una forma que nunca me imagine querer a nadie, no se si eso es bueno o malo.

No puedo seguir orbitando al rededor de tus relaciones y pretender que no me afecta o importa, me encanta estar contigo pero tengo que dejar esos patrones de conducta de lado, por que sin darme cuenta me estaban haciendo daño. Estoy haciendo esto por mi y se que puede ser egoista, pero yo tambien necesito agarrar el rollo conmigo misma. No puedo seguir viendote asi.. y me duele muchisimo por que te extraño como no tienes idea. Pero es lo mejor.. Siempre voy a estar ahi para ti claro.. y el dia que gustes, cuando quiza sea conveniente para ambas, quisiera invitarte a salir. Por ahora creo que lo mejor es que cada quien en su rollo, no quiero interferir para nada en tu relacion con esta niña, puede ser algo muy bueno para ti. Te pido porfavor no me marques en los proximos dias, no podre hablarlo y es un show estarme escondiendo para hablar, tampoco me gustaria que me escucharan o se preocuparan aqui la gente y mas con casa llena!, pero estoy para ti en whatsapp y fb si quieres hablar de cualquier cosa, quiza solo no esta noche. Perdon por enviarlo esta noche que estas con ella, espero no veas esto hasta mañana, pero tenia que enviarlo hoy o yo se que no lo haria mañana.

Te quiero mucho mas de lo que al principio me permiti quererte. No me arrepiento para nada! Cuidate mucho rubi !

20 3 / 2014

Real potential on this blog. Things have changed, a lot. It was a 360 degree turn that just happened.
I’m in Puebla, Puebla at the moment.

03 11 / 2013

23 10 / 2013

hope-in-new-beginnings said: relapse is a part of recovery , you doing great hun

thank you :) .. it had been good 2 years, but i’m not letting this knock me out. If i can do 2 years i can do a lot more than that cut-free . looking fowards to a new record.

23 10 / 2013

and so.. this happened.Starting from zero again.. Oct. 23/2013.

and so.. this happened.

Starting from zero again.. Oct. 23/2013.

08 10 / 2013

healmehelpme said: Hey do you know that they released a new translation of the bible at the annual meeting this time around? Smh that I'm still caught up in this. Got any tips?


ya i know!! the 'sister's proof' version lol.  people is been really eager to get that version, you can’t possibly have enough bibles i mean, is not like we are talking about just one and only book -.- .

For starters the New World Translation bible is not even recognized as an actual Bible for many bible scholars.

For example a professor of New Testament at Princeton University, calls the NWT “a frightful mistranslation” “Erroneous” and “Pernicious” “Reprehensible” “If JW take this translation seriously, they are polytheist”.

Also, Dr. William Barclay, a leading Greek scholar, said “it is abudantly clear that a sect which can translate the New Testament like that ins Intellectually dishonest”

The watchtower certainly does not give away the names of the translators of the NWT.. however back in the day 1950 - 1960, there weren’t many members to chose from… in page 50 of Franz book “Crisis of Concience” he says: "Other members of that Committee were Nathan Knorr, Albert Schroeder and George Gangas; Fred Franz, however, was the only one with sufficient knowledge of the Bible languages to attempt translation of this kind. He had studied Greek for two years in the University of Cincinnati but was only self-taught in Hebrew.”

You can imagine the preparation they had in translation and why is so critizised by scholars. To Read more about it check out this research. Or many others out there in the net. (I used this to give you this info x & X ) I encourage you to do as much research as you can, i find that it helps me stay sane, but again we all deal differently, ooh but if you decide to do reasearch try to find unbiased sources, sure there are loads of sites out there against jw doctrines (we’ve all felt hurt) , but u dont want to become angry at witnesses, they just really think what they’re doing is the ‘truth’.. is hard for them to see otherwise unless they really want to get out of that shell.

Back to the new bible topic.. sorry for the ramblings.

"Yes! Lets make another improved version of our already flawed version of a translation of the bible” 

I’m ecstatic!

I wonder what subtle changes they did.. im just downloading the revision right now. :P  

oooh.. i found one: 

NWT : 1 Cor. 6: 9. 

9  What! Do YOU not know that unrighteous persons will not inherit God’s kingdom? Do not be misled. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men kept for unnatural purposes, nor men who lie with men, 10  nor thieves, nor greedy persons, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit God’s kingdom. 11  And yet that is what some of YOU were. But YOU have been washed clean, but YOU have been sanctified, but YOU have been declared righteous in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ and with the spirit of our God.



There, there.. just in case people had any doubts.. we’re throwing out there the word homosexual TWICE (so when i knock at your door i can show you how explicit the bible (mybibleversion) is about it) and compare it to thieves and extortioners, drunkards .. cause we all know how similar these concepts are! *facepalm*

Anyway.. i could vent forever!! lol.. 

Tell me about you, are you still going to the meetings? are you baptized? how old are you?.. all i can tell you first hand if you are thinking about leaving the b0rg is be open and don’t let anger take over you, which is pretty easy considering you realize you’ve been lied to or tricked into something, especially if you are still going to the meetings and have started to realized what their truth is based on. Don’t be afraid to know more.. to learn. I’d love to know your story .. msg me again if you see this, we can have a little chat, i want to help in any way i can.

07 10 / 2013

can we just talk about how frucking adorable and sexy this woman is… me encantas! :) <3
si no puedo tener en mis brazos ahora mismominimo en mi tumblr! … por ahora.

can we just talk about how frucking adorable and sexy this woman is… me encantas! :) <3

si no puedo tener en mis brazos ahora mismo
minimo en mi tumblr! … por ahora.

(Source: entitledtomyownopinion)

06 10 / 2013

Is this the ‘babel tower’&#160;? 
im doing some research on this. Bible fanatics attribute language diversity to this event, when almighty god became threaten by a building because you know, it was suppose to reach to heaven.. so he decided to confuse them all with different languages.. so they wouldnt understand themselves and not finish the great tower. How could ‘god’ feel intimitated by a man’s work? how infuriated he must feel now that man has walked in the moon and reach to other planets. I don’t see people suddently talking in tongues because of it, poor scientists suddently speaking in different languages all the time?… seriously.

Is this the ‘babel tower’ ? 

im doing some research on this. Bible fanatics attribute language diversity to this event, when almighty god became threaten by a building because you know, it was suppose to reach to heaven.. so he decided to confuse them all with different languages.. so they wouldnt understand themselves and not finish the great tower. How could ‘god’ feel intimitated by a man’s work? how infuriated he must feel now that man has walked in the moon and reach to other planets. I don’t see people suddently talking in tongues because of it, poor scientists suddently speaking in different languages all the time?… 


(Source: jaded-mandarin, via entitledtomyownopinion)

06 10 / 2013

We live in a world that is so unprepared.. that does not understand, or wants to understand. A world that rather hide and ignore and call themselves normal and strive for being a series of equal human beings, before even thinking about being called ‘different’. We are humans, our survival instic tells us to remain in big groups for protection, but what if you’re different? what if you are part of a minority? what if you don’t even know that and all you feel is.. alone?.

Back when i was really depressed, 3 years ago, It would take a tremendous effort only to get up and off bed, and once i was up I was still numb in my head, all day, exahusted but with my brain on overdrive. I was only up to feel more down. Selfsabotage is a funny thing, i did not know i was doing it, something was/is wrong in my wiring. I know that now.

I’d be absent for weeks at a time in uni, and teachers would only shake their heads to me, they knew i was smart, they knew i knew what they were talking about no matter how far long i’d attend to class. They’d see me as a waste, just the same way i would look at myself. 
Other students were kind of angry at me, sure enough they too had to make an effort to get up in the morning and go to school and they wouldn’t miss one class, so why should I? and then somehow (luckily) get away with getting a good grade in a subject they maybe struggle with more than i did. I’d get evil eyes.. but I’d also be recieved by hugs and caring gestures of some of my classmates, some that would see thru me and were there to offer me company.

One day I was so angry at myself cause I had the realization that I was sick, that the way i’d percive myself wasn’t real, wasn’t the way others would percieve me… until i’d make them look at me with my ill eyes.  They would see how miserable i was cause at one point i couldn’t hide it anymore, it was in my skin, in my bones, in my hair, hands, eyes.  I had detached myself from me, and i could’ve swear there was nothing that could bring me back.

Was that my lowest point? 
I still don’t know. Time is subjective. I know today I’m in a better place with myself. That it was not easy to reach this point and i know theres a lot of work to do still but I can say im happy, really happy this is working for me. and that i am better.

It sometimes hurts me to see how people can be so ignorant about mental illiness, about anything really.. but this is something that hits a nerve cause ive been there and is just too hard, being expected to ‘suck it up’ and ‘deal with it’ the way a kid gets over the fact his candy has been stolen … is not the same.  you can’t get over depression, anxiety, OCD, ADD, anorexia, bulimia. you can’t just tell your head to stop. 

I wish i had had someone to tell me ‘it gets better’, ‘is a truly hard battle, but because you are here now, you are winning, keep going, you are getting out of this i promise”. … people’s hugs helped me a lot tho, sometimes solutions are not in words but in acts, just showing you care.. depressed people dont expect to be saved by others.. they know that is impossible, and for some it might seem like a desperate measure to try, “Go and find someone and be happy with that someone, you’ll forget about depression”.. but, really? can you forget about depression? as if it was a cut in your hand that will just heal itself? no, we’d be lucky if it was.

Another person is not going to make you better, you will. It does not mean we are alone, we are all fighting together, but separetly… there is just so many people feeling the same way you do, when you thought you were the only one… people that have come out of depression and suicide attemps even, Being sourranded by people that care and love you makes you realized things you are not aware of, that you are loved, that you are cared for, that your seemly ignicificant presence contributes to the happiness of someone else. you belong. That surely helps recovery but is not all there is. 

In my case the key was realizing i was alive for me and no one else.. that i was truly alone and that i had all the power in me to change the tears for smiles and anything i wanted to, i guess it meant for me a change on perspective. Accepting and embracing myself. that did it, but even to get there took a lot. Nothing is impossible, we can accept depression and learn to control ourselves in certain situations. I’m not healed, but im in a better place for sure. :)

(Source: thealphaofmyheart, via entitledtomyownopinion)

05 10 / 2013

I’ve allowed distance to take away so much from me. Is taken my best friend, ex girlfriends, and potential love partners…  and it just sucks and hurts so much everytime. I could go ahead and say i wont do it again, no long distance for me cause that shit just breaks me down, but then i’d be lying cause most of the time you just cant control who you fall for, when and where. It just happens and is as valid as if the person was here or there. 

Giving up on love is one of the things i hate the most, I see it as a way of potraying myself as a failure… in the end i am giving up on something that could be potentionally beautiful. There could be many reasons, either because is long distance and is hard to deal with, bc the person has someone already and you didn’t know, or bc they got someone recently and you don’t want to interfiere, maybe is a matter of diferent interests, wrong time for either of you..  all i know is that it hurts. .. and whatever could have become is no longer a possibility. I’m the kind of person that prefers to go for it instead of wondering what ifs.

I’m going to give myself a chance to make this work, I want to build a love so deep, that distance is not even an issue. Is not about only wishful thinking but about making things happen, cause i’m just god damn capable and there are just not impossibles. I am everything but a failure, rocks can be turn into diamonds.. is hard and it sure depends on having the right rock at hand, i think i have my rock, and im ready to work hard on it.

This comes from an aries. fuck.